He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
