I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
