I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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