The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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