i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
