Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
