There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
