i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
