bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
