I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
