Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
