Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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