For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
