I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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