If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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