I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
