how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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