I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
