he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
