just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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