Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
