Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
