Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
