im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Life is so much better after having sex.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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