so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
