Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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