I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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