if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
