So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
