Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
