i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
