she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
