quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
