I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
