i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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