My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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