just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
