in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
