pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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