I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just want to make out with him forever
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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