I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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