apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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