I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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