hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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