Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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