Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
