ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
