Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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