he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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