I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
