Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
