I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
