I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
