I accidentally had phone sex last night
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
