is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
