god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
