it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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