She is in my trunk
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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