Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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