P.S. I can't hear my feet
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
