So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
