so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
