The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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