Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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