you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
