This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
